10. Showgirls
I had to have one of the classics on here! Ah Showgirls! The film that introduced me to the gloriousness that is a truly awesome bad movie. I reckon that everyone needs to see this film at some point in their lives, because one cannot fully appreciate the good, without first fully realising just how bad the bad can be. And this is nowhere near the worst film I've seen, if it was then I wouldn't own a copy. But it does have a certain campyness that keeps people coming back. And of course, there's the script. Good God, that script! Such terrible lines filling up the film! I love it! Anyway, this is up high because, like I said, it's one of the classic bad films. Saying that this is your biggest guilty pleasure doesn't mean anything anymore. And trust me, there is going to be a lot more room to embarass myself as we go.
9. Earth Girls Are Easy
Lol, what feminism? As this list goes on, you'll see that more and more of one type of film turns up. Anyway, Earth Girls Are Easy. One of Jim Carrey's first films, and with Jeff Goldblum having as much fun as he can. Yeah, that's the best word to describe this film, fun! And stupid. And possibly sexist. No, definitely sexist in some way. But, gosh darn it, it's just so likeable! And the songs! They are the most gloriously bad songs from any movie (apart from one I'll mention later). Anyway, this is the second list this has turned up on, so I guess you could call it one of my favourite movies as well. Which only proves that I have terrible taste.
8. The Island of Doctor Moreau
Marlon Brando, you know I love you. But it makes me hard to when you appear in films like this. What the crap is this! It's bloody insane! But what else could you expect from a film that stars the Godfather as a scientist covered suncream, Batman is a gay, drug addicted vet and Remus Lupin spends the whole movie making funny faces at the make-up. It's brilliant! In all the bad ways. Val Kilmer obviously didn't care about this film, Marlon Brando cared just too much and Fairuza Baulk is trying to forget she was ever in this. A fantastic mess of a movie! And I haven't even got to the state of the script.
7. Dune
So, some people think that Battlefield Earth is the greatest bad sci-fi, but while I did enjoy John Travolta going insane, I found the rest of the movie was just boring. But Dune, oh boy! This was brilliantly stupid. If anyone wanted to see how not to make a movie, then this would be it. Which is weird, because all the sets and scenery and costumes were actually pretty good. It was just the over use of the narration, and everyone underacting. Except Sting. I love Sting as Feyd-Rautha! He is the best part of the film. In fact, I can't remember anything else about the film apart from Sting. He's just having so much fun! Though it is a little unfortunate that this is the only David Lynch film I've seen. And just so you know, last Kyle Mclachlan film on this list, I promise!
6. Batman and Robin
This is one of the most confusing movies ever. On the one hand, it tries to re-create the dark tone of the first Tim Burton Batman with the protagonists story, and yet tries to capture the campyness of the original 60s TV series with the villains. The result? An almost glorious mess. I can explain why in three words; George Clooney sucks! Seriously, he just did this film for a paycheck. So did Alicia Silverstone, who is pretty much yawning all the way through. The reason why I actually like this movie though? The villains! I love Uma Thurman, she's up there with Demi Moore as one of my favourite bad actresses. But unlike Moore, whatever part she's in, she gives it her all! Poison Ivy is my favourite character of this, and Arnie isn't that far behind. Those two stole the film, put it in their pockets and drove off into the sunset together. Love them!
5. The Pirate Movie
This film reminds me of a Eurovision song. No, I'm serious. Latvia, 2007, they did pirates. Pretty much if you want to know how amazingly cheesey this movie is, look up this song. You know, this film should piss me off. Pirates of Penzance is one of my favourite G&S operetta's, and this is a fairly shameful ... homage? It isn't really, considering they replace most of the songs with vapid 80s pop tunes. One of which won a Razzie! But, again, it's too stupid to offend. And I can't look away, the stupidity is just too overwhelming! ARGH!!
4. Jawbreaker
I hate Mean Girls, and yet I like this one. I told you I had bad taste! Though I don't think this is as bad as people think it is. It's still bad, but I've seen worse. Anyway, why do I like this film? Rose McGowan! Oh my god, she is hot as hell in this! Yeah. Kinda shallow reason. But I also think it's more extreme than Mean Girls, and almost reaches Heathers levels of black comedy, but not as well. Anyway, give it a chance. It might be the only time you see Marilyn Manson out of his make up!
3. Striptease
Yay! Showgirls' demented cousin! I told you I liked Demi Moore. And to be honest, she tries her best but the screenplay was doomed from the start. Also, Burt Reynolds. The worst part of this film. I almost hated him for life because of this film. But then I saw him A Bunch of Amateurs, and all was resolved (another review for another day!). So, why is this on higher than Showgirls? Well, while Showgirls is just so bad it's baffling how it got made, Striptease is more run of the mill badness, but with better actors. But if you say you like Showgirls, then you have some street cred. If you say you like Striptease, your a sad pervert. Yep, that sums me up.
2. Zombie Strippers
I love zombie movies, I quite like theatre of the absurd and for some reason I have a fascination with stripper movies. What do you get when you combine all three? A zombie film based Rhinoceros by Eugene Ionesco about strippers. I feel like this movie was made for me. Yes, this is based on the Ionesco's play about conformity and morality, so much so that the owner of the stripclub is Ian Essko, and is played by Robert Englund. Hell yes! If you can stand all the boobs, then this is actually kinda good, in a terrible way. The makers must've actually read the original play, because there are moments of depth. Not many, okay, not really. ... but there are boobs!
1. Santa Clause 3
I can't explain this one. The fuck knows why! I can almost defend kinda liking 4 films with more breasts than plot, and yet a terrible kids movie has me stumped! But I can't look away! It's just so badly written, and Martin Short is trying too hard, and Tim Allen doesn't care! But I watch it every Christmas, and I don't know why! Gah! Well, now that you know the full extent of the darkness in my soul, I wonder how many of you will actually keep reading this? Anyway, until next time readers, though I have no idea when that will be. Bye!
