Mediocre Movies: Elf-Man

Usually, about once a year, there comes along an actor that I find myself irrationally drawn to. Last year, it was Kevin Bacon. This year it's Jeffrey Combs. Now, during these periods of slightly scary obsession, I will watch every and all movie/TV series that these actors appear in. This can be both good and bad. Good, because you find really good films like Would You Rather and Stir of Echoes, bad because you feel obligated to watch films like Murder in the First and Elf-Man. Good god, Elf-Man. Gonna tell you now, the best thing about this film is Jeffrey Combs, but sometimes that's not a good thing.

So, the film is about a family getting ready for Christmas when the dad, Eric (Mackenzie Astin), creates an energy chip. Three thieves, led by Mickey (Jeffrey Combs), decide to try and steal the chip, and kidnap Eric to try and get it from him. This worries his kids (Carly Robell and Blake Kaiser), Gramma (Marty Terry), and love interest Amy (Mirelly Taylor), as they wait for him at home. However, they get help from a left-over elf (Jason 'Wee Man' Acuña), who discovers that his elf powers can be used to become a super hero, called Elf-Man.

Okay, so let's begin with the worst aspect of the film. Jason 'Wee Man' Acuña cannot act for shit. He has one emotion throughout the whole film, mildly annoyed, and does not have the necessary abilities to deliver dialogue with anything other than a whiny voice! Ugh! He is so annoying! To be fair though, 'Wee Man' is not an actor but rather one of the guys from the Jackass, so with that in mind I can almost forgive his non-acting. 

But still, why would you hire someone who can't actually act! This whole thing stinks of a cheap cash in, from the gimmicky casting and tired plot. Seriously, the plot is recycled from about 7 different kids films, most obviously Home Alone, and Elf. I grew out of both of those films a long time ago, but while watching Elf-Man I longed for either of them! It's not funny, it's not clever. It's just kinda dull and stupid. 

So, what about Jeffrey Combs? Well, he's one of those actors that is fun watch, even in the stupidest of films. In this, he's over acting to his best ability, but it really doesn't save this turd. Actually, there two other things I liked in this, and they were the grandma, and the Christmas fruit cake gag. The grandma for the first half of the film is kinda funny, especially her entrance. And the fruit cake gag, while weirdly introduced and a bit of a cliche, was the funniest joke of the film. 

So, is this mediocre? No. This is not mediocre. This is terrible! As someone who has seen her fair share of awful Christmas movies, I can safely say that this is the worst Christmas film I have ever seen. But will I watch it every year? Potentially. Such is the pull of Jeffrey Combs for me. And he is the only enjoyable part of the entire film. 

Anyway, I think that this will probably be the last review of the year. Sorry it's not longer, but I have cookies to make and pork to eat! Next up will probably be my year end lists, which I hope to get out in early January. Merry Christmas to everyone who reads this stupid blog, I hope you have an excellent New Years, and good luck in 2015! Until next time, readers.

Mediocre Movies: Joyful Noise

Sometimes, you come across a film that just baffles you as to how it got made without anyone realising how much of a mess it was. This is one of those films. I wouldn't say it's so bad it's good, it's just ... odd. There are some plot points that don't make sense, characters that act insane, it feels edited to hell, and, the biggest crime, Jesse L. Martin is in this and he DOESN'T HAVE A SONG!!! Did I also mention this film is frustrating as hell?

So, in a small American town the church choir is run by two incredibly strong-minded women, G.G (Dolly Parton) and Vi Rose (Queen Latifah), after the old choir master Bernard (Kris Kristofferson) dies unexpectedly. The choir hopes to win the "Joyful Noise" choir competition in order to bring some much needed hope to a town that is quickly dying. However, Vi Rose wants to stick to the old traditional gospel songs that the choir has been doing forever, while G.G feels that it's time for a change. Throw in the fact that Vi Rose's daughter Olivia (Keke Palmer) is falling for G.G's bad-boy grandson Randy (Jeremy Jordan), which causes friction between mother and daughter, and coincidentally, the choir.

Okay, so to be honest, I was probably not this movies demographic. This is a very Christian film, which isn't a bad thing, but when I watch a movie I don't really want to be preached to. And this film can get quite preachy at times. It does try to address the big issues, mainly with the character of Walter, Vi Rose's son who has aspergers. There is one scene where he a crisis of faith, and questions his mother about why God made him the way he is, and that maybe God isn't as perfect as people make out. This would've been the best scene in the film, if Vi Rose's response had been anything other than "Don't question your creator, He is perfect and amazing," or something along those lines. The film does this a lot, bringing up issues and then resolving them in the most half-hearted way or not in any way at all. But that's not my biggest complaint.

No, my biggest complaint is this. When you have a movie about a choir, you expect the choir to actually be in it. Most of the plot revolves around the melodramas of Vi Rose's family rather than the dynamics in the choir, which is what it should be focusing on! The choir is hardly in it! We get a couple of subplots about a few of the choir members, but they're more played for laughs than for actual character development. And for a musical, it lacks a lot of musical numbers. Both Latifah and Parton have a solo song each, because they are the big stars. But it means that there is less time for the choir.

And let's get to the music. It's okay. The singing is excellent, and I'm fairly sure there might be some original songs (I could be wrong... I probably am), but like I said, this movie was not made for a non-Christian. What I mean by repeating that is it really rubs me the wrong way when someone takes an excellent song and changes the words to suit their own agenda. And good god do some of these covers make me cringe. How's this for a bizarre idea? A Christian reworking of Usher's "Yeah". It's as stupid as it sounds.

So is this film mediocre? Yes, but mainly because it is such a mess. It doesn't know what it wants to be. It's advertised as a light comedy, and yet apart from a few scenes, plays out like a drama. The dialogue is either cheesey or weird, with inspirational speeches alongside such brilliant one liners like "You will respect my snoring!" and "Your daughter is looking at Randy the same way I look at cake." Would I recommend it? No, not unless you are a really big fan of any of the stars. Otherwise, there are some much better choir movies, like Sister Act and Pitch Perfect, which coincidentally came out the same year. Like I said earlier, this is just average bad, so I'd steer clear of it, or watch it by some more dubious methods.

Well, I'm sick at the moment, so hopefully I will have another one of these up shortly. Or a list, I dunno yet. Until next time, readers.

Mediocre Movies: A Bunch of Amateurs

What can I say about Burt Reynolds? Well... he wasn't always an actor, and didn't really see himself as an actor, even though he had acted through college and was a part of the Hyde Park Playhouse summer stock theatre in New York. Umm, what else? He tried to audition for Sayonara, but was told he looked too much like Marlon Brando. Er... his first film was Angel Baby in 1961... and he was in Smokey and the Bandit... and Striptease... In fact, he was terrible in Striptease. His character is one of the worst written screen characters ever, and Reynolds playing him just made it all the more  excruciating. And because of that character, for a while I couldn't stand the man. Until I saw this movie, and my mind was changed. And after a while I saw Boogie Nights, and now I can kinda see the appeal. Kinda.

Reynolds' stars as aging action star Jefferson Steele, who is quickly coming to the end of his career. With no offers from any major film companies, he goes to England on the advice of his agent to star in what he thinks is a professional production of Shakespeare's King Lear, in Stratford-upon-Avon. When he arrives, however, it turns out that the production is done by an amateur acting group, being led by the firm but understanding Dorothy (Samantha Bond), in Stratford St. John. After many misinterpretations and fights with the other members of the group, Jefferson begins to get along with everybody, and starts to become more humble as he stumbles his way through  Shakespeare. Also starring is Imelda Staunton as the put-upon Mary, Derek Jacobi as the pompous Nigel and Camilla Arfwedson as Jefferson's daughter Amanda, who is also trying to break into acting.

Burt Reynolds and Shakespeare aren't two things that you would necessarily think go together, but Reynolds is actually pretty good. And even though in the beginning he is incredibly annoying, he goes through a definite change that makes the character endearing by the end. The English amateur actors are all good, but the main three, Bond, Staunton and Jacobi, steal the show. Bond's Dorothy is a no-bullshit single mum, yet she isn't austere, and there is a genuine connection between her and Jefferson, but thankfully not a fully fledged romance. Jacobi is in his element, quoting Shakespeare at random throughout, thinking he is abovethe rest and generally being stereotypically as British as he can be. But it's Imelda Staunton who steals the film as Mary, a woman who has a fangirl crush on Jefferson yet is frustrated by his rudeness, creating a bittersweet mix of wanting to please yet also wanting to kick someone in the balls.

A Bunch of Amateurs is also innovative in the way it uses the plot King Lear as a background for some of the action. There is a mad scene on the hill in this, which in all honesty is one of the best parts, and the only real part where Reynolds moves out of his comfort zone. While there are more subtle references to the source material, such as the women in the village becoming frustrated at trying to serve all of Jefferson's crazy whims, the biggest connection is through Jefferson's rocky relationship with his daughter. Not wanting to rely on her fathers falling clout, she tries to make it on her own. When that fails she realises that he was trying to protect her, though albeit in the worst way possible. The relationship is played very believably, even though the actors themselves only share about two scenes together, they are able to both convey the frustration they feel towards each other. But while the characters in this are exceptional, the plot isn't so.

The comedy relies on a lot of cliches from the 'fish-out-of-water' genre, and the 'up-himself-person-must-learn-humility-to-acheive-enlightenment' genre. For example, on the plane to England, Jefferson thinks one of the stewardesses wants his autograph, when in actual fact she wants his signature for the bill. Totally haven't seen that one before in a thousand other movies! And then of course, he complains about the weather, the size of the room, the food, the beer, the locals... pretty much everything when he actually arrives in Stratford St. John. All of this rehashed comedy makes the beginning of the movie feel very long and cringe-worthy, but the second half is a lot better. That's when it focuses more on the play rather than just Jefferson reacting to stuff.

So, is it mediocre? Well, I'd say no. It's an incredibly different film, especially from someone like Burt Reynolds, who might I add was 72 when this came out, and you can kinda see it in the way he walks and moves his hands. I think this is actually one of his best films, not as good as Deliverance and Boogie Nights, but it's up there. He made at the right time, and wasn't afraid to create a caricature of himself. While the cliched comedy can be annoying, there is some fresh stuff in there too which is genuinely hilarious, especially from Imelda Staunton.

Another reason why A Bunch of Amateurs isn't mediocre? The Queen saw the premier and then bought the DVD. That's right. The Queen of England likes this film! So, if that isn't a recomendation, then the only thing I can add is that it's probably the only movie you'll see where Derek Jacobi gets covered in shit. But seriously, this is one of those little British films that get swept under the blanket by the bigger Hollywood blockbusters (to be honest, most of the movies in this blog series will be), and if you like those sorts of movies, then you'll probably like this one. So, I'll probably have another blog up next week, since it is holidays. Unless, I decide to be lazy, which is a distinct possibility. Until next time, readers.