Favourite Quentin Tarantino Characters

I haven't really talked about my love/hate relationship with Tarantino. It basically goes like this; I really like most of his films, but I don't particularly like the man behind the camera. He just seems like a bit of a jerk. But I can't deny his influence on the film industry and I do genuinely enjoy the majority of his films. There are a couple I don't like as much, but that's more down to personal taste than anything else. And I do think he knows how to write some very interesting and memorable characters. So here's some of my favourites, because I haven't done enough lists already recently. Anyway, enjoy!

10. Mr Pink from Reservoir Dogs

In all honesty, if they released a film that was just Steve Buscemi complaining for 90 minutes, I would go and see it. I'm not the biggest fan of Reservoir Dogs, I think it's an okay film but not the most brilliant ever made, so I haven't seen that many times. But Mr Pink is pretty much the reason as to why I keep re-watching this film, and I think a lot of that is Steve Buscemi being awesome. It's also because his character is pretty much the only one who survives that we don't much about, except that he doesn't tip waitresses. And I always liked slightly mysterious characters as opposed to one where we know a lot of their back story. Also, Steve Buscemi.

9. Sex Machine from From Dusk Til Dawn

The only character to appear on this list from a film that Tarantino scripted rather than directed, and I have two words as to why he should on this list; crotch gun. Motherfucking crotch gun. Also, for a role that is so small, only Tom Savini could've played him with as much gusto to make him memorable. And you can tell that Savini is just having so much with the role. So yeah, not much to this character except an awesome name and a motherfucking crotch gun, but sometimes that's all you need.

8. The Wolf from Pulp Fiction

Harvey Keitel is one of those actors who can never be uncool, and Winston Wolfe is the epitome of cool. And he's the one of the only people who can talk down to Samuel L. Jackson and survive with his dignity intact. While the cleaner character has been used before (Tarantino has said that Jean Reno's character from La Femme Nikita was an influence), but I doubt he has ever been as suave as he is in Pulp Fiction. Even though he only appears for a brief time at the end, he is one of the best characters in the film.

7. Calvin Candie from Django Unchained

I don't know any other actor who could create a villain so sleazy, racist, disgusting (both ethically and physically) and yet still retain some atom of charm. Leonardo DiCaprio created a villain that everyone should've hated, and yet people couldn't help but like him. And I think that it's down to the performance. If it had been any less over the top and flamboyant, then I doubt people would've enjoyed this character as much as they. Certainly I enjoyed watching him, although there was this little voice in the back of my head telling me I shouldn't. But I did. Damn Tarantino.

6. Aldo Raine and Shosanna Dreyfus from Inglourious Basterds

Yeah, I couldn't choose between these two awesome people from possibly my favourite Tarantino film (there is still a debate going on in my mind). And I don't think you could have two characters who are as different as these two are. First up, Lt. Aldo Raine, a man who would rather bash you over the head with a machine gun than ask questions, whose incompetence when it comes to blending in is only matched by his enthusiasm for scalping Nazis. In short, a man who prefers strength over tactics. And then there's Shosanna Dreyfus, probably the only Jewish person to ever survive a visit from Hans Landa, and then, when the opportunity arises, concocts a revenge plot to kill off all of the most important officials in Germany by burning down her only source of economic security. And she almost gets away with it! Shosanna makes up for the subtlety that Raine lacks in bucket loads. If only Daniel Bruhl and his dimples hadn't interfered. 

5. The Bride from Kill Bill vols. 1&2

The Bride is one of those characters who always comes into my head whenever I think of strong female characters. And there are many reasons why. Getting attacked before her wedding by her former accomplices, falling into a coma for four years, having her baby taken away from her and waking up to find out that she's been repeatedly raped by one of the orderlies is enough to make anyone want to crawl into the ocean and never come out. But not the Bride, who instead goes on a massive revenge spree, taking out each of her former allies. She's not called the deadliest woman in the world for nothing.

4. Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction

Jules is another one of those characters who oozes coolness out of his boots, and part of that is due to the fantastic and iconic speech he delivers in two very different situations. It also helps that he's played by Samuel L. Jackson, who can be both threatening and charming at the same time. The segments that he's in are my favourite in Pulp Fiction, and it's mainly due to Jackson's complete presence. When he's on screen, you don't watch anyone else. At least, I certainly don't. And out of the multitude of parts he's had in Tarantino's films, Jules is by far my favourite.

3. O-Ren Ishii from Kill Bill vol. 1

I don't think I've yet had the pleasure to talk about how much I love Lucy Liu. I think she's one of the most awesome actors around, and it just takes her name to make me want to see something. I put O-Ren above the Bride partly for this reason, but also because I just love this character. Which a back story of revenge much like the Bride's, she becomes the head of the Tokyo Yakuza, and kicks arse in board meetings against idiotic douchebags.

2. Col. Hans Landa

The choice between number 1 and number 2 was a tough, but I went with my gut instinct and this is the result. Again, a villain no one should really like and yet he was the most popular character in the film, and Christoph Waltz won an Oscar for this. Of course, being played by someone like Christoph Waltz certainly helps. But the writing for this character also gives him something that Calvin Candie lacked; depth. There is something to this character that makes him intriguing, especially towards the end of the film. He's an opportunist of every sense of the word, and when he knows that the Nazi party is going to fail, he looks for a way out. Which makes him even more despicable, if you think about it. But this is what makes him different and ultimately one of the best characters that Tarantino has ever written.

1. Jackie Brown from Jackie Brown

I've talked about coolness throughout this list, but I don't think anyone can beat Pam Grier when it comes to being cool. So, if you hadn't already guessed it, Jackie Brown is also possibly my favourite Tarantino movie (that debates still going on). And it's mainly for this character, who I think is one of the smartest characters in the Tarantino-verse. When you consider how many people she manipulated to get what she wanted, and when she must've started planning all the events of the film, it makes you realise how cunning she really is. Apart from that, she feels like an actual person, having kick-ass moments then vulnerable moments, feeling confident one minute and scared the next. I love women who wield swords and defy physics with their fighting skills, but it's characters like this who I really love. Characters who feel like real people, and that's why Jackie Brown is number 1.

I'm going to have to do a proper blog on Jackie Brown one day. But until then, I hoped you enjoyed this, I hope I didn't piss too many people off. Keep in mind, these are my favourites, my opinion. And if you don't agree, then good for you. Until next time, readers.

Best Films of 2013 - Non-Mainstream Edition

Finally, we come to our last list. These are the films that were either (pretty much) exclusive to one cinema or that I saw in a film festival. I'm sorry it's taken so long to get these all done, but technical difficulties and the weather got in the way of me finishing earlier. Anyway, I hope you like the final list. And just another reminder that while some of these films may have come out in 2012, or even 2011, in other countries, they all premiered in Australia in 2013. Enough stalling, let's get on with it.

10. Barbara

I originally didn't expect this film about life in East Germany in 1980 to appear on this list, but for some reason I kept coming back to it, for a number of reasons. Firstly, it's set in the country-side, rather than East Berlin or one of the other major cities, which is rare for films dealing with this period in history. Second, the acting is excellent, especially Nina Hoss as the titular character, and Ronald Zehrfeld as her co-worker, Andre. And thirdly, this is the least sensational film I have seen this year. There aren't sweeping scores highlighting the longing looks that the characters give, there aren't any sentimental goodbyes and I love you's that take 10 minutes. No, instead we get a very honest and realistic look at what it was like to live during a time where you could be arrested at any moment by anyone you know. And it's that honesty that has made the film stick with me.

9. Gentlemen of Fortune

This Russian film is so unknown that not only does it not have a Wikipedia article, but from what I've seen it doesn't have a IMdB page either. Which is a shame, because this is a hilarious film. A remake of a classic 1972 Russian caper movie, we follow children's party entertainer Lesha (Sergei Bezrukov) as he gets mistaken for a notorious criminal, Smiley (also Sergei Bezrukov). Shenanigans and mistaken identity fun stuff ensue. Again, a film that I had fun watching gets on this list. All praise should go to Bezrukov for pulling off two completely different characters so well. And if you're looking for a funny little movie to pass the time, then this should do nicely.

8. The Hunt

Mads Mikkelsen has had an excellent year. Not only with the incredible TV version of Hannibal, but also this film from Thomas Vinterberg that spent months at Nova. The premise might turn some people off (trigger warning: suspected child abuse) but once you go see the film, you realise that it's actually about something else; the prejudice an entire town can create around one person. I don't want to say much more about it, because this is one film where you don't want to know too much. I will say this though, while most people might consider The Conjuring to have the biggest scares this year, this is the film that had me exclaiming in the cinema. And not because it's scary, but because it comes out of nowhere. Horror directors should watch this film and take notes.

7. Kill Your Darlings

Anyone who thinks that Daniel Radcliffe can't act needs to see this film. After the great disappointment that was On the Road in 2012, this film was needed to restore my interest in the beat generation. If you don't know anything about the beat generation, then this is as good a film as any to introduce you to the key players and their ideals, whilst also showing how the group almost fell apart due the actions of Lucien Carr (Dane DeHaan). Again, I don't want to give too much of the plot away, but needless to say it is an interesting look at that time in America, and how society reacted to certain things as well as a look into how one of the most influential movements started.

6. 20 Feet From Stardom

A celebration of the women who probably worked the hardest in the music industry and yet got hardly any recognition. This documentary looks at a few key back-up singers from the past 60 years or so and how they all tried to break away from being at the back, but few of them find any success at the front. The talent in this movie is incredible, from the unstoppable Darlene Love, who is now 70-ish, to the incredible Lisa Fischer, who has a voice that could rival both Ella Fitzgerald and Aretha Franklin. It doesn't paint a particularly pleasant light on the record industry and how they treated these women, but the way each of them get back up to perform again and again is inspiring. A must watch for anyone interested in music.

5. Broken

I already did a review of this! This film is excellent, Tim Roth and Rory Kinnear are two of my favourite actors, Cillian Murphy is the cherry on top. But of course, all the praise and awards should go to Eloise Laurence who creates a character that is a joy to watch and completely sympathetic as well. Seriously, read the review I did on this one, my brain is melting. Fucking weather.

4. First Position

 So, not only was this a year of excellent genre films but it was also a year of excellent documentaries. And this one was my favourite. This is a very well put together film, following 6 young dancers as they compete in the Youth America Grand Prix. You get so drawn into each of these characters worlds and why they are doing what they doing. All the passion that each performer brings is inspiring and you want them all to succeed so badly. It's rare that a film can draw you in so much, but this film does. If you like dancing, then I'd recommend this film. Hell, if you like watching films in general, I recommend this. It's inspiring, beautiful and unforgettable.

3. Compliance

This was one of the first films I saw in 2013. Considering that I can still remember chills running up and down my arms after almost a year later, I'd say that automatically puts this on the best of list. Again, this is one of those films where the less you know the better. But to give you some idea of what it's about, the film centres on how easy it is to manipulate people into carrying out whatever it is you want. The acting is superb, and the pacing is also really good, moving the film forward just quickly enough, but neither rushing nor going to slowly. If you're looking for a good thriller, then this is the best that last year had to offer.

2. Blancanieves

Pablo Berger must've kicked himself when The Artist came out only a few months before this film was finished. But in all honesty, I would call this the better film. The Artist was good, but it was a very Hollywoodenised movie. Blancanieves on the other hand is more artistic and a lot more interesting. It's the only adaptation of Snow White that I've seen where I've actually felt threatened by the stepmother (played wonderfully by Maribel Verdu) and the only one brave enough to not include a handsome prince character and instead make the romantic relationship between Snow White and one of the dwarves. The acting is incredible, it's so good that you can almost watch the film without the intertitles. And it looks absolutely gorgeous. Seriously, do yourself a favour and checkout this underrated gem. It is twice the film The Artist ever hoped to be.


1. National Theatre 50 Years on Stage

Nup. Don't care if you say this doesn't count. This was amazing. It was the best thing I saw last year, period. And it deserves to be number one. So, if you don't know what this was, the National Theatre of Great Britain turned 50 last year, and they decided to put on a showcase of the best works performed with the best actors performing them. If you have any interest in theatre at all, then it is a crime not to see this. Performers like Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, Derek Jacobi, Ralph Fiennes, Helen Mirren, James Corden, Michael Gambon, Rory Kinnear and countless others performing works like Shakespeare, Stoppard, Guys and Dolls, The History Boys... I can't remember them all!!! There were too many glorious moments!! See this thing, if you don't see anything else from these lists then see this. Needless to say, I was tears by the end. To see such an ensemble of talent gathered together to perform some of the greatest written works. It's truly spectacular, and I unashamedly choose it as my number one for Best Non-Mainstream film of 2013.

Best Films of 2013 - Mainstream Edition

As usual, I saw too many good films this year to just make one list. And because I see a range of movies from arthouse to action, again I am splitting the year into mainstream and non-mainstream. I just think that if a film has impressed me a lot, then it should be recognised in a list of some sort. And if I've left off a film that you liked, there are three reasons for this. 1; it hasn't been released in Australia yet, 2; I haven't seen it or 3; I didn't like enough as the movies on this list.

And just to remind everyone, I consider mainstream movies to be films that were released through more than one cinema. So even if the film was only released through Palace and Nova, I'm counting it as mainstream. There may be a few inconsistencies between the lists, because I've forgotten what was exclusive or whatever. But I figure that no one will really mind. Anyway, let's begin!

10. About Time

Goddamn these little British movies and their sentiment! Always making me cry! I'm sure everyone else in the cinema is annoyed at me crying all the time. Anyway, this is apparently Richard Curtis' final film, as either a writer or a director. And I think it's the best note to leave on. This is a film about Tim (Domhnall Gleeson) who is told by his father (Bill Nighy) that the men in their family possess the ability to travel through time. Tim uses this to better his life, marry his dream girl, Mary (Rachel McAdams) and live as much as he can. There isn't much plot, rather a series of episodes that show different scenarios in Tim's life and how time travel effects that. But I don't mind that. This is a small film about the small things in life, and I think it's the perfect way for Curtis to say goodbye.

9. Warm Bodies

Oh, I was exited for this one. I even read the book beforehand! Zombies are my favourite supernatural/horror creature, mainly because they haven't yet been done to death like other such creatures, and so I'm always interested when something different appears in the zombie sub-genre. This film reminds me a lot of Fido (which is possibly my favourite zombie film), they're both about life after the zombie apocalypse and how humans and zombies interact. The biggest difference though is that Warm Bodies is from the perspective of the zombies themselves. I just find it really interesting. It's also a good adaptation, with some things done better than the book (namely the climax), but I think I like it mainly because it's nice to see a film about the apocalypse that isn't bleak. And Nicholas Hoult is kinda attractive as well.

8. The Best Offer

This film had me at Geoffrey Rush and Donald Sutherland. Jim Sturgess was just the cherry on the cake. So, it's nice to see a thriller actually take it slow for once. This film builds nicely to climax that while some might see it coming, it is still entertaining and heartbreaking thanks to Geoffrey Rush's performance of art auctioneer Virgil Oldman. The mansion where most of the film is set is beautiful, and the cinematography is fairly spectacular throughout. I just really liked this film, it may not be the best, it may not be the most original, but I think it's gorgeous to watch and it did hold my attention for the whole 2 hours. And it has Geoffrey Rush. And Donald Sutherland.

7. Gravity

Looking back, this wasn't the great film that everyone is saying that it was. And yet at the same time it is. Let me try and explain myself. The major problem with this film is the plot, it gets a little convoluted and then abruptly ends. But if you suspend your disbelief and just go with it, then this is one of the most rewarding films of the year. Well, for me it was. And I think it's because of the acting and the choice of actor. Sandra Bullock is one of my favourite actresses, and I think it's a shame that she hasn't been getting good roles for a few years. So on one hand it was excellent to see her in something that gives her a lot to work with. But the real reason I like this film so much is that for 90 minutes we are basically watching one woman and her struggles. And she isn't being all badass like Ripley, no. She is vulnerable and almost gives up numerous times. But she succeeds, and I think in a world with "Blurred Lines", we need more movies like this, with more female characters like her.

6. Trance

Speaking of strong female characters and actresses who frequently get not good roles. I suppose you could say I am a Danny Boyle fan, I've liked all the films of his I've seen so far. And despite some rather gruesome moments at the beginning, this is a really good psychological thriller. It kept me guessing right up until the end, after multiple twists and turns. The three leads, James McAvoy, Vincent Cassel and Rosario Dawson, are all excellent, but I think extra praise has to go to Dawson, whose character and motivations I just love. I don't want to say too much, because it's better to go into this knowing the bare minimum, but it is one of the best and darkest thrillers of the year.

5. Goddess

I was seriously considering putting this on the most underrated list, because it seemed like all anyone could remember about this film was that the girl on the poster looked like Nigella Lawson. But I enjoyed this film too much. Again, like Austenland, this film if just pure fun. And a film that entertains is worth more to me than all the fancy cinematography, full-proof script and A-lister actors. This is a charming, little musical with a great lead in Laura Michelle Kelly, and to top if off, Magda Szubanski is in it in a role that finally allows her the dignity she deserves. And the musical numbers are really good. So, yeah, I put this little Aussie flick above Gravity and Trance and all of them simply because I had fun while watching this film. And I hope everyone else who sees this movie has fun too.

4. Stoker

This film is absolutely gorgeous! The sets, costumes and cinematography all come together to create a beautiful background for one the most interesting films from last year. Mia Wasikowska does an excellent job playing the strangely cold India Stoker, a girl who has to deal with the death of her father and the sudden appearance of her oddly sinister uncle Charlie (Matthew Goode), whom she didn't know existed until now. Again, I don't want to say too much, but this film has images that will haunt you after you leave the cinema. The nods to Alfred Hitckcock's Shadow of a Doubt is also a nice addition that will benefit repeated viewings. If you like horror, or anything vaguely gothic, then I would definitely recommend this.

3. Pacific Rim

This really was the surprise hit of the year. Looking at the trailer, it really doesn't give away how good this film actually is, especially given the premise. But an action movie that has character development, excellent action sequences and a kick-ass female role, this film becomes more groundbreaking the more I think about it. I don't really know what else to say that hasn't already been said by a thousand other reviewers. This is one of the best action movies of the past few years, and definitely the best of this year.

2. The World's End

Oh yeah, there was no way this wasn't going to end up on my list. What a way to end the triology! There are about 3 different films crammed into this, one right after the other. But the writing and editing are so good that the transitions between the different parts are so smooth. I love the comedic trio of Ed Wright, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, and Hot Fuzz is one of my favourite films of all time. The World's End had big shoes to fill, but this tale of the most epic pub crawl gone wrong is excellent on all levels. I may have let my fangirl go a little crazy putting this so high on the list, but I don't care. It deserves it!

1. Philomena

My dad once said that he has never seen Judi Dench give a bad performance. This is no different. This is also the best thing I have ever seen Steve Coogan do. The fact that he co-wrote the script is astounding. This film works so well because there is no right or wrong, there is no bad guy. Instead we just get s fairly simple film about a mother who was forced to give up her son, the repercussions it had for her and her journey to finding him. And it's the simple telling of the events that makes it so good and makes it easy for the audience to connect with the film. When I first saw this film (I saw it twice, I liked it that much), there was a moment in the film when the entire audience gasped, and I'm fairly sure that I wasn't the only one with wet eyes by the end of the film. If you haven't seen it yet, then I suggest you do! My favourite and what I consider the best mainstream film of 2014.

Well, sorry that this took so long. If you live in Melbourne, then you can probably guess why I haven't been wanting to write anything. This has been a pretty standout year for genre films. I could easily justify putting other films like Patrick and The Conjuring on this list. Anyway, I hope the heat is getting to everyone else like it's getting to me. Until next time, with the last list for last year.

Most Underrated Movies of 2013

I forgot to add to the disclaimer to the start of the previous list that all the films mentioned in this list are films that were released to Australian cinemas this year. So some of the films that turn up, may have been released in 2012 or even 2011, but because Australia is apparently so far away we didn't get them until last year.

Anyway, if you hadn't guessed it, the films featured on this list are just a few that I think were criticised and ignored despite how good they are (or at least how good I think they are). Some of you may disagree with me, to which I say "So?" I just wanted to share some more films that I enjoyed that wouldn't fit on my other two lists, and that no one else thought was good.And anyway, there's only five of them. So, on with the list.


5. I'm So Excited

This new Pedro Almodovar was the opening night film for MIFF, and it met with a resounding 'meh'. And I can kinda see why, it's not as strong a farce as his earlier films, and comes as quite a clash after a film like The Skin I Live In. But I had so much fun watching this. It might've been because I saw the last session at the Rivoli, and I was the only person in the cinema. It was one of the greatest experiences of my cinema going life! The freedom of an empty cinema is something that I recommend everyone experience at least once in their life. As for the film, if you just go with the craziness and randomness of what happens then it offers a lot more enjoyment. Besides, it has the best musical moment of last year! If you're an Almodovar fan, or even just a fan of fun sex romps, then I would definitely recommend this.

4. Hansel and Gretel, Witch Hunters

I'm not going to lie, when I first about that this was being made, I was so excited! It looked so silly and so fun. I wasn't disappointed, but apparently a lot of other people were. All I can say is, what were you expecting? It's called Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters! Anyone who was expecting anything more than what we got was deluded from the beginning. I'm actually surprised we got something that made sense, had good leads, an overacting villain and a good helping of gore. But if that doesn't grab you, then I guess our tastes are too different.

3. Anna Karenina

The use of a theatre to show how the characters have to put on an act to survive the society that they live in divided many people who saw this film. But I put this to you; if the film had just been your average period drama, without the theatrical element, then would people actually remember it? By setting the film partly in a theatre, it not only adds some symbolism that Tolstoy would've approved of, but it elevates the film above the normal period dramas that we get. I just think it's a lot more interesting. I also really love the music, and the costumes. And I think that it's one of Keira Knightley's better roles. It's not for everyone, but give it a chance, you'll find it better than people might think.

2. Kon-Tiki

No one saw this film! It was nominated for an Oscar and no one went to see it! I can sort of see why, it does look like it's just about a bunch of Scandinavians (and a few others) getting hairier on a raft in the middle of the sea. But there's so much more! I think I like this film because I saw it just at the right time, in the middle of my archaeology course. But the other reason I like this film so much is that it's real, it's about a real expedition, a real archaeologist. I'm not against Indiana Jones, but he is more of an antiquarian than an archaeologist. And I think there are many other people out there that should be more in the mind of the general public and just aren't. So I'm glad that Thor Heyerdahl at least got a movie, and I hope more people see it and find out about him.

1. Austenland

You know what. Fuck you all. This film should've gotten a more mainstream release. I saw this glorious comedy two times in about two weeks, and I am not ashamed. Much like I'm So Excited this was one of the most fun films of the year. And it's still on at Nova! I reckon if this did get a more mainstream release, then this would've been one of the most popular films of the year. Okay, the plot is predictable, the acting isn't the best and there are a few plot holes. But I don't care!! This film was fun, and sometimes that's all you want! So do yourself a favour if you haven't seen this, GO AND SEE THIS FILM!!

So, yeah. That's it for the most underrated. I'm going to try and write up another list this week, but not promises. Until next time, readers.

Worst Films of 2013

And once again the time comes to rank the films seen this year in numerous lists. Like last year, I will be doing one Worst Of and two Best Of, mainstream and non-mainstream editions. This year has been a surprisingly good year for movies, and what I mean by that is I couldn't think of enough titles for this list to make it to ten. Instead, there are only seven films that I think deserve to be on a list like this. This could just be because I had less time and money to see all the films I would've done otherwise, but also I think there were some better films released this year.

Because of the slightly smaller Worst Of list for this year, I will also be doing a short list of the films I think are the most underrated for the year, mainly because I want to talk about some other films that really deserve to be mentioned, but I couldn't actually fit them onto the Best Of lists. Anyway, enough explanation, let's get on with the shaming!

7. The Butler

Over the years, I've begun to build up an intolerance for blatantly obvious Oscar movies. And this was the most obvious Oscar-wanting film I've seen for a while. It's everything the Academy likes; a story about a man over-coming his struggles in a country plagued by racism... I'm not getting at the man the film is based on, but this film is just so bland and cliche ridden! The acting is good, and Alan Rickman gives his best American accent to date as Ronald Reagan, but the plot is so predictable and boring! It's not the worst film of the year, but it is one of the ones that disappointed me. Expect it to get nominated, multiple times.

6. The Man Who Laughs

Talk about disappointments, this has to be the biggest one of the year. In reality, I should blame myself for only watching the trailer in French, but in my mind I blame this film for luring me in with beautiful imagery, Gerard Depardieu and an interesting synopsis, and then giving a melodrama that makes no sense with some of the worst acting I have ever seen. It's so ridiculous! Just when you think something good is going to happen, something even more terrible comes along. The plot is just one bad thing after another. Which is a shame, because it looks amazing. Maybe the dialogue is better in French, but I doubt it.

5. A Good Day to Die Hard

The Die Hard films series is one of my favourites (I even don't mind the questionable fourth film), and this film fails first by not being a Die Hard film. Oh sure, it's got all the elements to be a Die Hard film. Terrorists, explosions, guns, Bruce Willis. But it lacks the energy and effort of the other Die Hard movies. It feels as though some people were trying to make an action film and Bruce Willis turned up on the set and wouldn't move, so they had to rearrange the script around him. It's just a mess. An annoying mess that stains the otherwise pretty strong series. I almost hope they make another one just so we don't end the franchise on this sour note. But I doubt that another sequel will be made, and I am quite glad for that.

4. Hitchcock

When a film advertises itself to be about the making of Psycho, then you at least expect that film to be in some part about the making of Psycho. I'm not even sure what this film was about. It's a waste of good actors, and doesn't tell the audience anything about Alfred Hitchcock except that he was a bit odd. Thankfully, it's so bland that it doesn't sally my favourite horror film. But it does leave with the question of whether or not it should actually exist. Hitchcock deserves a much better film about him than this trash.

3. Spring Breakers

This film thinks it's smarter than it is. It also thinks that its provocative portrayal of youth spiraling out of control is going to shock, but there are far more shocking things on the internet than this film. Really, the only thing this film is is annoying. Annoying characters, annoyingly scripted, annoyingly acted and filmed. I was so full of hate for this film when I first saw it, but now looking back on it, it really doesn't deserve my anger. It's too annoying and mediocre for that. There is one good sequence in this that saved it from being in the top two, but one good sequence does not make this film, that seems to have been made just so Harmony Korine could spend time with a lot of girls in bikinis, anything more than an annoying waste of time.

2. The Counselor

To anyone thinking about going to see this film, watch the trailer. It's more exciting and makes more sense than the actual film. I am so pissed off with the script for this movie, I want to punch Cormac McCarthy in the face. Does he not know that films are different from books? After seeing this turd, I was so confused that I had to go to on Wikipedia to find out what actually happened. I'm still not sure what the film was about. The most interesting thing about the film was the drug truck, and yes, I am being serious. It just baffles me how so much talent could produce such a badly put together film. Anyway, someone else I know who saw this film said it best; "This film will go down as the film in which Cameron Diaz has sex with a car." Yep.

1. Oz the Great and Powerful

James Franco pissed me off the most this year. Not only was he so disgustingly annoying in Spring Breakers, but he also shat all over one of the greatest series of children's books ever written. Chez Apocalypse did a blog on this, and it pretty much sums up everything I hate about this film. But even more than that, this film was just not needed. It doesn't do anything for the Oz universe, except make the witches more sympathetic than the wizard (not a good thing when you re-watch the original film. That film needs to have an unsympathetic villain). But right now, it doesn't deserve any more of my time. It can go fuck itself.

Well, this was a hard list to write. It may come as a shock, but I don't like writing horrible things about the medium I like the most. But these things need to be said sometimes. So, hopefully soon the next list will come out. Not sure when, and I'm not going to give a date I can't keep. I also don't know which one I'll write next. Probably the Most Underrated one. Anyway, until next time readers.

Terry Pratchett's Hogfather

I have not yet had the opportunity to talk about Terry Pratchett's Discworld series, and to start I need to say that I think it's the best fantasy series ever to have been concieved. Starting with The Colour of Magic in 1983, the series has spread to include 40 novels, 4 Science of Discworld books, a few short stories and a collection of other publications that use the characters featured in the novels. I'm not going to lie and say I've read all of the books, but I have read quite a few. And Hogfather was one of the first.

It's the night before Hogswatch, and the Hogfather is missing. In his place, Death (voiced by Ian Richardson, performed by Marnix van den Broeke) and his assistant Albert (David Jason) are making sure that the presents are being delivered. Death's granddaughter, Susan (Michelle Dockery), meanwhile is trying to find out what has happened to the Hogfather, with the assistance of the Bilius, the Oh God of Hangovers (Rhodri Meilir) and the Archchancellor of the Unseen University, Mustrum Ridcully (Joss Ackland). But it seems a sinister plot to inhume the Hogfather is taking place, being led by the creepy Mr Teatime (Marc Warren). Will Susan be able to save the Hogfather while there is still enough belief in the world for him to exist?

When I first heard that Hogfather was going to be made into a miniseries, my first response "Why aren't they making it into a film?" After I had come to my senses and read the book again, I realised that there was no way any of the Discworld books could be adapted into a feature film format. Simply because there is too much going on. Every book has a main plot with a full ensemble of characters, and they also usually contain at least two other subplots. Hogfather is no different. And because the plots require a lot of explanation, especially for those who are unfamiliar with the Discworld universe, the plot of the miniseries is quite slow. The whole first part is basically build up for the second part, and takes it's time introducing the characters.

But if you don't mind something a little slower, and a little bit different for a Christmas special, then I can't recommend this enough. Terry Pratchett is very clever at commenting on something in our society by putting it into a different setting and changing only the bare minimum. In Hogfather, he looks at how belief is structured and created, and how humans need to believe in things like the Hogfather otherwise they wouldn't be human. And that's another reason why this is different from other Christmas specials. While some may deal with the concept of belief, and what it means to believe and why you should believe in Santa (the obvious ones are The Santa Clause and Miracle on 34th Street). But Hogfather talks about where that belief came from and why it's important.

Another thing that makes this stand out is how dark it can get. But then again, you can't have a TV film where one of your main characters is an assassin and not have it be dark. Especially in the second part, where people start dying very rapidly. So, I wouldn't show this to really little kids unless you think they can take it. Me personally, I don't see what's wrong with something being a little dark, especially a Christmas movie. When there are so many awkward Christmas comedies, it's nice to see something a little more serious that's still quite humorous in it's own right.

Let's talk about the characters. Because I love Susan Sto Helit. If I had a favourite Discworld character, it would probably be her. Mainly because she is unlike any other heroine around. She's very logical and can be quite cold yet still caring in her own way. And she don't take no shit from no one. Michelle Dockery is perfectly cast here, which is something you could say for most of the casting, actually. Marc Warren is suitably creepy as Mr Teatime, with a strange high-pitched voice that really makes him memorable. Joss Ackland is also very Ridcully-ish, David Jason is very Albert-like. I'm sorry if I'm not describing them that well, but it really is almost perfect casting. Each actor is well suited to his character, even minor ones like Tony Robinson as a conniving department store owner.

So if you're looking for something a little different this year, or are just looking for something with a little more intelligence and less schmaltz than your typical Christmas movie, then I would most certainly recommend this. But I would also recommend reading the book, either before or after. The film follows the book so closely that there is hardly anything left out, but a bit more information is given for some characters. If you haven't read any Terry Pratchett, then don't be afraid. His books are incredibly easy to read. I hope to look at his other media adaptations sometime in the future. Not sure when. But until next time, readers, have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hogswatch and everything in between. 

Mediocre Movies: Fred Claus

Note to self: never make promises. Especially ones that involve a time frame. Sorry for taking so long, but I have been incredibly lazy. Well, there was exams for a while, but for the past month or so I've just been sitting around not doing much. It's been quite enjoyable. So, anyway, you may have noticed that Christmas is coming up. Woohoo!! I love Christmas, and I'm not ashamed of it. Despite how commercial and crazy it has become. I love the food, the tree, the gathering of people to share presents with each other, the presents themselves. And of course, I absolutely adore Christmas movies. Although I do think that some are worse than others. Let's see where this one lies.

Fred Claus (Vince Vaughn) is Santa's (Paul Giamatti) lesser known older brother. Throughout the years, he has become resentful of what his brother has become, and the two siblings have grown apart. When Fred needs to borrow money, he and Santa come up with a deal where Fred will help out with the massive backlog of work at the North Pole then he will give him the money he needs. However, because of the work problems Santa has hired an efficiency expert, Clyde (Kevin Spacey) to help him with the holiday rush. But Clyde seems to have some ulterior motives as to why he is actually there.

Okay, let's get the obvious out of the way first. I don't think Vince Vaughn is a particularly good actor. Mainly because he's been the same character in everything I've seen him in, this included. I also don't really think that he's that funny either. All he does is talk so fast in the hopes that something he says is humorous. And he's the second worst part of this film. The worst part of this film is the atrocious special effects. I'm fairly certain that manipulating an actors face onto a dwarf's body is not the best way to create characters. Couldn't they just get actors that were dwarves to play the elves? No sense is made!

Anyway, back to Vince Vaughn, this isn't the worse thing I've seen in him but it isn't the best. It's just kinda in the middle. But the rest of the cast is pretty good, especially Paul Giamatti as a version of Santa who tries too hard to please everyone. He almost cripples himself to get everything done, and Paul Giamatti expresses the frustration he feels towards the situation that he has found himself in. Kevin Spacey is having fun being slimey and evil, and it's nice to see actors like Miranda Richardson and Trevor Peacock turn up in holiday movies. Though I wish both of them had bigger roles.

The film also has some different ideas that I haven't seen yet in a film surrounding the Christmas mythos, namely the whole 'naughty or nice' thing. It's nice to see a film admit that the world isn't black and white, and that kids behaviour is cannot simply be put into two groups without looking at their reasons or backgrounds. So, that part was interesting. But in terms of actual plot, the rest is very predictable. There's even a love interest in the form of Rachel Weisz. Yes, this film, despite some interesting themes and a good cast, is incredibly mediocre. Though I will say that the second half is so much better than the first half. I found the first half almost unwatchable, it was pure Vince Vaughn insufferability.

So, would I recommend this? Well, if you're doing something else this isn't bad background noise. That's about the best I can say for it. Although, to tell the truth I only wanted to watch because of Kevin Spacey. He's totally worth it, if you skip the rest of the film that he isn't in. Other than that, it's just kinda meh. I'd give it a skip if you like good comedy. Though if you like Vince Vaughn, you'll probably like this.

Yeah, that's about it for this review. I would give a rough estimate of when I'm next going to post, but we all know I'm not going to stick to any schedule. I'm a rebel like that. So, in case I don't write anything else before the end of the year, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and all that jazz. Until next time, readers.